Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Red neck etiquette

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Houston|Palm Beach
    Posts
    1,845
    Rep Power
    4486

    Default Red neck etiquette

    GENERAL:

    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
    still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT:

    1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure that you tilt the paper
    cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
    2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

    ENTERTANING IN YOUR HOME:

    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
    taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his
    manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE:

    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
    be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
    3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
    4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
    tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
    foods.

    DATING (Outside the Family):

    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
    go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
    ago."
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
    will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the
    answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    THEATER ETIQUETTE:

    1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
    immediately after the movie has ended.
    2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
    they can't hear you.


    WEDDINGS:

    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
    cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
    occasion.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE:

    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
    loaded and the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
    tires does not always have the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
    to ask her to bring back beer too.
    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
    At his baptism, Sam Houston was told his sins were washed away. He reportedly replied, I pity the fish downstream. - Nov. 19, 1854 - Independence, Texas

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    HOUSTON , beltway 8 and I- 10 west
    Posts
    9,850
    Rep Power
    21813

    Usaflag

    I'm good to go on most , but , not all of those . Har !
    GEORGE A. BRANARD, COLOR SERGEANT, CO. L, 1 ST TEXAS INFANTRY, HOOD'S TEXAS BRIGADE, C.S.A. : S.C.V.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Houston|Palm Beach
    Posts
    1,845
    Rep Power
    4486

    Default

    Yea, livestock as a wedding gift is over the top. More like a crawfish boil reception.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    At his baptism, Sam Houston was told his sins were washed away. He reportedly replied, I pity the fish downstream. - Nov. 19, 1854 - Independence, Texas

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    HOUSTON , beltway 8 and I- 10 west
    Posts
    9,850
    Rep Power
    21813

    Usaflag

    That's pretty funny .
    GEORGE A. BRANARD, COLOR SERGEANT, CO. L, 1 ST TEXAS INFANTRY, HOOD'S TEXAS BRIGADE, C.S.A. : S.C.V.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Richmond, Texas
    Posts
    47
    Rep Power
    616

    Default

    I might need to disagree on the hook baiting rule. If she can't do that, is their any need for a second date?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Manvel
    Posts
    2,149
    Rep Power
    4377

    Default

    What a hoot! Still laughing at some. Too many to remember, might have t print this out to share!!! HAR!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Nacogdoches
    Posts
    85
    Rep Power
    82

    Default

    Its sad I know people that are guilty of several of these
    Tight Lines and Calm Seas and remember to enjoy life with friends

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •